Silent All These Years
by Kurenai Sakeme
Summary: one-shot songfic. A letter to Hiei from Botan to Tori Amos's "Silent All These Years." (Prelude to my next fic) HieiXBotan R&R ppl! {Complete}


Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of Tori Amos's works.

_Excuse me but can I be you for a while? _

_My dog won't bite if you sit real still,_

_I got the anti-Christ in the kitchen yellin' at me again._

_Yeah, I can hear that._

Hiei,

It's me, Botan. This is weird…I never thought I'd do this…especially crouched in my room with Koenma yelling at me to get to work.

_Been saved again by the garbage truck. _

_I got something to say, you know, but nothing comes._

I'm back. I was down on Earth working when I saw a little black shadow flicker by me. I know it was you, although I wish you had been going out of your way to see me like I do for you sometimes. Ugh, how can I say this?!

_Yes I know what you think of me,_

_You never shut-up_

_Yeah, I can hear that._

You probably hate me, you make it seem obvious enough. I mean, practically the largest response I have ever gotten from you was "Hn." I know you think I'm just a bouncy, happy ferry girl without a care in the world. Well, I'm not. I'm more than you think.

_But what if I'm a mermaid,_

_In these jeans of yours with her name still on it,_

_Hey, but I don't care,_

_Cuz' sometimes, I said sometimes I hear my voice and it's been,_

_Here,_

_Silent all these years._

You may not find me pretty. In fact, I may seem not your type at all. I mean, really I'm not. I don't even know why I'm writing this. How do I even know you'll read it?

_So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts,_

_What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?_

_Boy you best pray that I bleed real soon._

_How's that thought for you?_

You're probably already secretly in love with Makuro. You're always with her, or talking about her. I know she's insightful. I know she's clever. I know she's powerful. I know you're probably better off with her. But thinking about you and her makes my heart hurt. That may sound cheesy, but it's true.

_My scream got lost in a paper cup,_

_You think there's a heaven where some screams have gone,_

_I got twenty-five bucks and a cracker,_

_Do you think it's enough?_

_To get us there._

I wish I could tell you about all the sleepless nights I've spent, crying without a reason. I wish there was somewhere I could go where I could be alone with you. I wish I could tell you all of this to your face. I wish a lot of things, but they never come true. For them to come true, I need you, and I don't have you here with me.

_Years go by,_

_Will I still be waiting_

_For somebody else who understands?_

_Years go by, if I'm stripped of my beauty,_

_And the orange clouds raining in my head._

It seems you're the only person I can tell. Everyone else would laugh and say I had no chance. I don't and they'd be right, but there are some things you can't control. I can't just hold it all in anymore. You should know that I am forever longing for your unreachable face. I always will be, even when I am gray and old.

_Years go by,_

_Will I choke on my tears_

_'Till finally there is nothing left?_

_One more casualty,_

_You know, we're too easy, easy, easy._

I'm probably going to cry my eyes out tonight, wishing I hadn't done this. Wishing that I could take it all back. But I know that I might feel a bit better, knowing that you know. I won't care if things are completely awkward between us from now on. Maybe then I'll come to my senses.

_Well I love the way we communicate. _

_You're eyes focus on my funny lip shape,_

_Let's hear what you think of me now,_

_But baby don't look up,_

_The sky is falling._

Whenever we talk, you always keep your eyes off of me unless I do something stupid. I think you should know that half the stupid things I do are to get you to look at me. I love your eyes. They seem to search me, like I'm spilling over and everything I know and feel are pouring into you. It feels like I don't have to say anything and you'll know….If I had to give it all away…if the world were to end…I would spend my final moments with you.

_Your mother shows up in a nasty dress,_

_And it's your turn now to stand,_

_Where I stand,_

_Everybody lookin' at you,_

_Hey take hold of my hand,_

_Yeah, I can hear them._

I want you to know that what it all comes down to is I'll stand by you forever and always, if only you'll let me.

_But what if I'm a mermaid,_

_In these jeans of yours with her name still on it,_

_Hey, but I don't care, _

_Cuz' sometimes,_

_I said sometimes_

_I hear my voice and it's been,_

_Here_

_Silent all these years._

Now you know how I feel. Even though I probably don't have to say it, (It's obvious enough) I love you more than words can say.

Love,

Botan

THE NEXT DAY

"Botan?" Hiei asked as he walked up to her. She was sitting on a park bench with reddened eyes.

"Yeah?" She asked with a small smile. _Why is he looking right at me? I haven't done anything stupid…have I? _

"I got your letter and…" he paused. This was hard. How could say something so meaningful…so trusting…when there was no guarantee she wouldn't betray him? Before he could say more, her arms were around him.

"You don't have to say it." She whispered into his ear. "It's in your eyes. I love you, too."

_I been,_

_Here,_

_Silent all these years._


End file.
